He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
