I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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