im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
