Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
