I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
