I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
