you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
