Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
