If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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