i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Welp...herpes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
