so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
