I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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