I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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