I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
