I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
