i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
