i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
