apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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