Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
