yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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