she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
