naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
