I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
