i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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