He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
