I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
