When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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