Whod you bang
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
