i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
