I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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