I feel like abortions should bother me more
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
