Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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