now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
COCAINE IS GR8
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
