i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
