i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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