if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
