Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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