i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The best revenge is premature balding
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
