My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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