forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
