Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
