Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
