I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
