I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This is the high leading the old right now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
