She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
