goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
