I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
