a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
