Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
