how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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