yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
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Do I have a choice?
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Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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