Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
