the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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