i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
