I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
